


Wish Babies and Other Avalanche Tropes

by tillyenna



Series: 15-16 Draft GC [3]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Chatlogs, Colorado Avalanche, Complete crack, Crack, Fourth Wall, M/M, No Fourth Wall, chat fic, fic written as a fictional character, the most ridiculous crack i've ever written, winners room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: The first chapter of this is the avs fanfic gc as mentioned in the previous installments of my gc verse.The second chapter is a fanfic written by EJ for Cale.This whole thing is ridiculous crack. Like it's the MOST stupid thing I've ever written. And I've written a lot of stupid stuff.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon, cale makar/carter hart
Series: 15-16 Draft GC [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776370
Comments: 50
Kudos: 100





	1. The Av's GC

**Author's Note:**

> MON CHUMS. This is for the discord chums. And for everyone who read the last one.
> 
> The links in this aren't real. The wishbaby fic is.

This is the chatlogs from a section of the Avalanche Fanfic GC. Not all players are in the chat, only those who wish to be.  
  


EJ:

| 

OMG GABE HAD A BABY  
  
---|---  
  
Nate:

| 

EJ, that was like 8 months ago. You’ve only just noticed?  
  
EJ:

| 

NOT HIS REAL BABY. He had a WISH baby  
  
EJ:

| 

<<link>>  
  
Cale:

| 

OMG I love wish baby stuff  
  
Cale:

| 

Why does no one ever write ME having a wish baby?  
  
Nate:

| 

Maybe because you’re not old enough to have a child  
  
EJ:

| 

Plot twist – Cale IS a wish baby.  
  
EJ:

| 

Me and Sammy wished real hard for a cute little dman baby and the universe delivered.  
  
Gabe:

| 

That’s actually adorable though  
  
Gabe:

| 

Obviously not as adorable as my real baby  
  
Gabe:

| 

But still pretty cute.  
  
JT:

| 

Wait, which is adorable? The Gabe wish baby fic? Or Cale being EJ and Sam’s wishbaby?  
  
Josty:

| 

Obviously both  
  
Cale:

| 

I’m NOT a wish baby guys!  
  
Nate:

| 

Denied. You’re a wish baby.  
  
TBear:

| 

Clearly a wish baby.  
  
EJ:

| 

You’re MY wish baby.  
  
Gabe:

| 

I feel like the council of elders has spoken. You’re a wish baby Cale.  
  
Sam:

| 

He’s not my wish baby. EJ must have wished him up with someone else.  
  
Cale:

| 

THANK YOU SAMMY.  
  
EJ:

| 

Why does it take two people to make a wish baby anyway. They’re literally wished into existence. Why do they need two parents?  
  
Josty:

| 

FOR THE DRAMA. Obvs.  
  
EJ:

| 

Cale you can be mine and Tbears wish baby.  
  
TBear:

| 

Ouch. Did NOT wish cale into existence.  
  
Cale

| 

o.o  
  
EJ:

| 

YES YOU DID. LOOK HOW ADORABLE HE IS.  
  
TBear:

| 

He’s very adorable. I’ll give you that.  
  
Josty:

| 

So…. I’ve found out that there is at least one other NHL player who reads ao3  
  
Cale:

| 

OMG WHO?  
  
Nate:

| 

Cale is clearly hoping it’s Cahtah Hahrt.  
  
Cale:

| 

SHUT UP NATE. I’m just curious.  
  
Josty:

| 

Obviously, like I can’t tell you.  
  
Josty:

| 

So if it were Hartsy. My lips would be sealed.  
  
Josty:

| 

So I’m not saying anything. Which is exactly what I would say if it were Hartsy.  
  
Cale:

| 

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GET MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS TYS  
  
TBear:

| 

Fine!  
  
Nate:

| 

Sustained.  
  
Cale:

| 

?  
  
Nate:

| 

Calling Josty by his first name in the presence of the superior Tyson.  
  
Cale:

| 

Ugh. Fine. I’ll venmo it.  
  
Gabe:

| 

Like, in the nicest possible way… why do OTHER hockey players read fanfic. Obviously we do it for mocking Cale reasons.  
  
Josty:

| 

LMAO. I’ll ask him.  
  
JT:

| 

TBH I’ve stopped reading it. I just get the summaries from you guys.  
  
JT:

| 

It’s disheartening.  
  
JT:

| 

Like, why do they always write me as super confused? Am I always super confused?  
  
Josty:

| 

JT babes, you’re currently confused about whether you’re confused or not.  
  
Josty:

| 

I think they have a point.  
  
JT:

| 

Also they always pair me with you…. Like…. WHY? Do we even have chemistry?  
  
Josty:

| 

OMG WE HAVE THE MOST CHEMISTRY  
  
TBear:

| 

Denied. Gabe and I have the most chemistry.  
  
Josty:

| 

Ok, fair, but only because you guys wrote each other valentines.  
  
Josty:

| 

JT has more chemistry with me than anyone else.  
  
Josty:

| 

Like who else should we pair him with.  
  
EJ:

| 

Research suggests the second most popular person to pair JT with is Kerfy  
  
JT:

| 

*sobs* Is it all pining because of how much I miss him?  
  
EJ:

| 

It is now.  
  
EJ:

| 

Also apparently there’s like 6 fics of you with some dude from the preds? Fabbro??  
  
JT:

| 

I mean EW. Because we are like bros bros.  
  
JT:

| 

But I have known him for like a lifetime.  
  
Josty:

| 

But do you have more chemistry with him than me???  
  
JT:

| 

Like, why do you WANT there to be chemistry between us.  
  
Josty:

| 

Dude! Not like that. I just need to know who your OTP is. You/me you/kerfy or you/fabbro  
  
JT:

| 

Me/kerfy makes most sense to me. So I guess that’s my otp involving me.  
  
Josty:

| 

Hey salad boy. Who’s YOUR otp  
  
EJ:

| 

Trick question. His OTP is him/cahtah hahrt  
  
Cale:

| 

Can you please stop spelling his name like that EJ  
  
Cale:

| 

He doesn’t like it.  
  
Josty:

| 

I mean…. He doesn’t…. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?  
  
Cale:

| 

He mentioned it in one of their behind the scenes videos or whatever.  
  
EJ:

| 

Cale… my wish baby son…. Your stalking has gotten out of hand.  
  
Cale:

| 

IT’S NOT STALKING IF ITS PUBLICALLY AVAILABLE ON THE INTERNET  
  
Josty:

| 

FFS. Just like, talk to him or whatever. I can give you his number.  
  
Cale:

| 

Nooooooooooooo.  
  
Cale:

| 

Like what would I even say?  
  
Josty:

| 

Hi, I’m the Avs resident salad and I want to BONE you  
  
Josty:

| 

Or… be boned by you. Like, I’m not judging.  
  
Cale:

| 

SHUT UP JOSTY YOU AREN’T HELPING  
  
Gabe:

| 

Next flyers game when the world is back together we’re locking you in a closet with him so you have to talk to him.  
  
EJ:

| 

IF the world ever gets back together  
  
Nate:

| 

Don’t be pessimistic Erik.  
  
Nate:

| 

That’s my job.  
  
EJ:

| 

Sure… you must be so pessimistic holed up training with your boy.  
  
Nate:

| 

Not a boy.  
  
Nate:

| 

You’re the only one who finds boys attractive.  
  
EJ:

| 

Erm… no?  
  
Josty:

| 

Also no?  
  
Nate:

| 

I MEAN BECAUSE HE’S A MAN NOT A CHILD  
  
Josty:

| 

Oohhhhhhhh that makes more sense  
  
Nate:

| 

Also we’re not holed up together.  
  
Nate:

| 

It’s too much of a risk.  
  
EJ:

| 

WAIT WHY DO YOU THINK I FIND BOY CHILDREN ATTRACTIVE?  
  
Josty:

| 

I mean… you do surround yourself with pretty boys  
  
Josty:

| 

Cale, Sammy, Z, Gravy….  
  
TBear:

| 

WHY AM I NOT ON THAT LIST JUNIOR  
  
Josty:

| 

Because you’re not that much younger than EJ?  
  
TBear:

| 

But not because I’m not pretty?  
  
TBear:

| 

Tell me I’m pretty Junior.  
  
Josty:

| 

You’re the prettiest.  
  
TBear:

| 

Tell me I’m the prettiest Tyson.  
  
Josty:

| 

*sigh* You’re the prettiest Tyson.  
  
TBear:

| 

Tell me you miss me Junior.  
  
Josty:

| 

For reals I miss you.  
  
EJ:

| 

I MISS YOU.  
  
Sam:

| 

I miss you  
  
Gabe:

| 

We all miss you  
  
Nate:

| 

I literally miss you as much as I miss Sid right now, which is hella weird.  
  
TBear:

| 

I’d say you took it too far and made it uncomfortable dogg… but I’m actually very warmed by your statement.  
  
Josty:

| 

Cale… you never said who your OTP was… I have a mutual friend who’s asking.  
  
Cale:

| 

WHO IS IT?  
  
Cale:

| 

WHY DO THEY KNOW I READ FANFIC?  
  
Josty:

| 

Calm down. In the same way I’m not naming them in this convo, I’m not naming you in the other convo  
  
JT:

| 

Ooooooh is it your super secret coming out convo?  
  
Josty:

| 

It’s not super secret if you tell everyone about it comph!  
  
JT:

| 

I mean… that is rumoured and I’m sure doesn’t exist?  
  
Josty:

| 

*sigh* worst bestie ever. CALE. OTP. STAT.  
  
Cale:

| 

I already told you. I don’t have one.  
  
EJ:

| 

It’s clearly rinne/saaros because of his goalie fetish.  
  
Cale:

| 

I DON’T HAVE A GOALIE FETISH  
  
Cale:

| 

I just think they do a very hard job that I wouldn’t be capable of doing.  
  
Josty:

| 

And you think they’re hot.  
  
Cale:

| 

SHUT UP TYS  
  
EJ:

| 

FINE!  
  
EJ:

| 

AGAIN  
  
EJ:

| 

Learn your lessons rookie.  
  
Cale:

| 

*sigh* I venmod it.  
  
Cale:

| 

And I don’t have an otp. Because like most of the stuff on ao3 is sid/geno which feels disrespectful to read.  
  
Nate:

| 

DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT IT’S DISRISPECTFUL  
  
Cale:

| 

Don’t worry. There is also adorable sid/nate content.  
  
EJ:

| 

Recs or it didn’t happen  
  
Cale:

| 

Two secs  
  
Cale:

| 

<<link>>  
  
Cale:

| 

<<link>>  
  
Josty:

| 

Wait…. You read stuff that isn’t just goalie nesting fics?  
  
Cale:

| 

I literally hate you so hard right now.  
  
Cale:

| 

Although there was that cute EJ/Grubi nesting fic  
  
Josty:

| 

Digging your own grave here salad  
  
Cale:

| 

*sigh*  
  
Cale:

| 

My otp is probably Freddie Anderson/Auston Matthews  
  
Josty:

| 

AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA  
  
Cale:

| 

Why is that so funny?  
  
Josty:

| 

No reason.  
  
Cale:

| 

They’re quarantined together.  
  
Cale:

| 

Which is adorable.  
  
Cale:

| 

Not even sid and nate quarantined together.  
  
Josty:

| 

Knew your otp would have a goalie in though.  
  
Cale:

| 

Judge me all you want. Goalie/dman pairings are the best.  
  
EJ:

| 

I get that.  
  
Sam:

| 

The goalies do love us best.  
  
Sam:

| 

It’s a fact.  
  
EJ:

| 

Also, salad, I’m making you a birthday present.  
  
Cale:

| 

It’s like so far from my birthday.  
  
EJ:

| 

Eh, you’ll love it anyway.  
  
EJ:

| 

It can be an ‘end of the world present’  
  
Gabe:

| 

STOP IT EJ  
  
Gabe:

| 

The world isn’t ending.  
  
Josty:

| 

The world isn’t allowed to end before Cale gets it on with Hartsy  
  
Cale:

| 

-.-  
  
TBear:

| 

The world isn’t allowed to end while kerfy and I are leafs  
  
TBear:

| 

Also imma tell fred and matts you ship them  
  
Cale:

| 

Please don’t Mr Barrie  
  
EJ:

| 

AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA  
  
EJ:

| 

I’m dying.  
  
Josty:

| 

“Mr Barrie”  
  
Nate:

| 

LMAO  
  
Sam:

| 

FFS Rookie  
  
Gabe:

| 

Oh Cale.  
  
EJ:

| 

:O I JUST WORKED OUT WHO WISHED FOR CALE WITH ME!  
  
EJ:

| 

I KNOW IT WAS YOU LANDESNERD  
  
Gabe:

| 

:-( My secret is out. I wished to have an adorable rookie baby with you EJ. I’m sorry Tys…  
  
TBear:

| 

It’s ok… I forgive you… he is very adorable.  
  
Cale:

| 

I hate you all.  
  
Gabe:

| 

That’s no way to speak to your father and I…  
  
EJ:

| 

Dibs on pops.  
  
Gabe:

| 

Pops and Papa?  
  
EJ:

| 

Sold.  
  
EJ:

| 

Specific fines for cale now if he doesn’t call me Pops and landesnerd Papa.  
  
Josty:

| 

Is that not a slight abuse of power?  
  
Sam:

| 

Is abusing his power over the rookies not the only reason why EJ is fine master?  
  
JT:

| 

That and apparently his jail bait fetish.  
  
Cale:

| 

I feel uncomfortable with the combined idea that EJ is my wishbaby dad but he also wished for me to be jail bait.  
  
EJ:

| 

You’re my wish baby. Sammy’s my jail bait.  
  
Sam:

| 

Now I’M the uncomfortable one.  
  
EJ:

| 

Also baby boy, I’ve finished your present.  
  
Cale:

| 

Which one of us is baby boy?  
  
EJ:

| 

You.  
  
EJ:

| 

Have a gift  
  
EJ:

| 

<<link>>  
  
Cale:

| 

Wow. Thanks EJ  
  
EJ:

| 

I even slipped a little bit of tongue action in there for you…  
  
Nate:

| 

O.O  
  
EJ:

| 

NOT THAT KIND OF TONGUE ACTION DOGG  
  
Gabe:

| 

Just read it  
  
Gabe:

| 

I love you EJ  
  
Gabe:

| 

Please don’t give up the day job.  
  
EJ:

| 

HA. As if I would. You boys need me too much.  
  
Josty:

| 

It was an incredible fic EJ.  
  
Cale:

| 

I love it EJ. Best present ever. Thanks buddy.  
  
Sam:

| 

Oh chum… you know we all love you right?  
  
EJ:

| 

You don’t like it?  
  
Cale:

| 

WE LOVE IT.  
  
Cale:

| 

It’s perfect pops.  
  
EJ:

| 

<3 HE CALLED ME POPS  
  
The fic that EJ writes for Cale can be found in the next chapter.


	2. Two Adorable Virgins In The Winners Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written IN THE STYLE OF BEING WRITTEN BY ERIK JOHNSON.  
> Like, I pretended to be EJ and then wrote this
> 
> I don't think I'm THAT bad at writing.
> 
> I really hope I'm not that bad at writing.

Authors Note:  
This is clearly fiction, because the Avs are the best team ever and wouldn’t lose to a bunch of losers from philly. So yeah. Just a literary device or whatever.

\---

The mood in the locker room was low, like the lowest. Really low. Because the Avs had just walked off the ice after no only losing to the fucking flyers, but getting shut out by their baby goalie – which is frankly insulting no matter how talented the kid is.

A loss means one thing and one thing only, one of them will be sacrificed to the winners room. Not sacrificed dead sacrificed, that would be a waste of talent. No, one of them must spend the night at the whim of one of the Flyers.

“Is it going to be Giroux?” Sammy asked, turning to his best friend in the entire world, the best looking guy on the team.

“Wanting to speak French all night long chum?” EJ laughed at him – confident that he himself would not be picked, because despite being the best looking guy on the entire team, some people seemed to prefer blonde nerdy swedes. And by some people. All of the people.

Gabe was sitting waiting in his stall, waiting to be called. It’s not like Gabe got called every time they lost. But pretty much he did. It was his beautiful burden to bear, the beautiful burden of being beautiful.

Eventually, one of the front office staff from the Flyers knocked on the door. Scrap of paper in their hand. “I’ve got it listed that Makar is called.”

The boys were instantly all on their feet. “Not our BABY!” Gabe cried.

EJ punched the person with the paper. Knocked them out cold. Because he punched them really hard.

“It’s ok.” The tiny rookie stood up bravely, “I can go. It’s time I became a man.”

With tears in their eyes, the Avs watched as their beloved baby boy was taken away led off to the winners room.

Cale had seen the inside of the winners room at the Pepsi Centre, but never at another teams rink. He’d expected the Flyer’s winner room to be decorated in orange, the same way the Avs decorated theirs in tasteful burgundy and navy, but weirdly, it was mostly in grey. Probably because orange is a fucking ugly colour. I don’t know. It wasn’t orange.

He sat down on the large bed, kicking off his shoes, dressed in his sweats and a t-shirt, and freshly showered after the game, he did that nervous thing where he bounced his leg up and down really fast.

Suddenly, the doors opened, and Cale’s heart sped up from a canter to a full out gallop. It wasn’t the Flyer’s captain stood in the doorway, but their goalie – the boy Cale had been in love with since the moment he first slid into his five hole.

“Hi,” Cale lifted his hand and waved like a little dork.

“Hi Cale,” Carter Hart smiled nervously, not much older than Cale, he was just as much of a virgin. Both of them virgins. Disaster honestly.

Vegetable boy felt frozen in place, it was the stallion of his dreams, the sexiest stud he’d ever seen, but even so, he knew the expectations of the winners room. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.” He said totally honestly.

Carter Hart sat down on the bed beside Cale, “I don’t want to do anything against your will Cale.” Even though there were expectations of the winners room, it was up to the victor to decide if they wanted to bone or just play cards or whatever.

Cale blushed so bright red, he pretty much glowed, with those cute little rosy cheeks of his, “I like you though.” He stared shyly at his dainty little feet. “Like I like like you.”

“Oh.” Carter Hart also blushed, just as embarrassed, “I like like you back.”

The two hockey players stared at each other, this was the moment of truth. Cale became a man. He reached out a hand and took Carter Hart’s hand in his. He pulled Carter Hart back onto the bed and they wrapped their arms around each other, holding each other close.

Carter Hart leant in close, and pressed his lips against Cale’s – vegetable boy’s first kiss. It was soft, but also weirdly firm, because they both still have all of their teeth, and then Carter Hart slipped his tongue between Cale’s very pink lips.

“Oh Carter Hart,” Cale sighed.

“I love you Cale.” Carter Hart sighed.

“I love you too Carter Hart.” Cale sighed.

They stayed for however much time they were allowed, making out, and sighing about how much they loved each other. Then they got married. The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never read anything else by me.... please don't assume this is what all my fic is like. This was EJ writing it. Not me.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even a little bit sorry. I cackled like a fool whilst writing this. I hope it brought you as much joy to read as it brought me to write.


End file.
